For JD: Vicodin Query

>> Sunday, May 31, 2009


JD asked: How many days in a row can you take Vicodin before something bad happens?

Short answer: I don't know. If you're worried, talk to your doctor.

Long answer: I still don't know, I'm not a doctor or pharmacist and still recommend you go to an expert if you're worried for any reason. But this is what I know about Vicodin. (Yes, I know that's a Wikipedia reference, but it's a good place to start for a lot of topics. There are references included).

It's a combination of semi-synthetic opiates (hydrocodone) and acetominophen (tylenol) that has a potential for both physical and emotional dependency. It's classified as a Schedule III drug by the FDA. Additionally, both main ingredients, acetominophen and hydrocodone, can be fatal if overdosed. Acetominophen can also lead to liver damage if somewhat overdosed (~4g [aka 4000mg]/day) so it's very important not to take this drug with any other drugs containing acetominophen. There are also a number of side effects list, not (fortunately) including anal leakage, though there are plenty of unpleasant ones.

As a layman, trying to tell someone I've only met in the cyberworld they've taken their medicine too long would be foolish of me. Even for professionals, it's not clear how long it can be taken safely given that people's tolerance and period of time before dependency occurs varies.

Here's my gut feel, though, as a friend. If you're worried about it, if you find the Vicodin less effective or if you're afraid to cut back, contact your doctor. If you can cut back, try it and definitely call your doctor if you find you can't.

Read more...

For Patricia: Political Recipes

>> Saturday, May 30, 2009


Patricia asked: But, since you're asking, when considering the political perspectives of all of our citizens, what combination (if it were possible to create the perfect combination) would be best for the country? All conservatives? All liberals? All moderates? Or some other combination? I'm just curious what you might say.

I don't think I can answer that the way you intended. I don't think of people as conservatives or liberals, even if they think of themselves that way. Why? Because people are complex. And so is society. Throughout the world, there are few if any pure capitalistic societies, pure communist cultures, pure anything. Most that do exist have existed only for a short time and probably don't have much future.

Am I a liberal? I believe in responsibility, accountability and support capital punishment. I'm also pro-science, support gay marriage and equality, believe in the separation of church and state, support environmental concerns and universal health care.

The problem with labels is that they're used to take the place of individuals. Saying someone is conservative or an immigrant or Muslim or black or elderly or female or even fat--it's too easy to use the labels to think you know who someone is instead of really getting to know them.

If you listen to the news or several outlets, you could get a very skewed notion of what a "conservative" is, for example. But the difference between many "conservatives" and the rest of us may be one or two issues deep. The same for, say, Muslims. There are millions and millions of Muslims world-wide and most of them are just like the rest of us, just wanting to live happy full lives, raise their children, find satisfaction. Be safe.

It's too easy for labels to become a way to magnify our differences and keep from working together. I think most people aren't just a label, they're middle of the road in some things, extreme on some issues and others, sometimes on the opposite side. Complex. More than the labels would make them.

What would I like to see? I'd like to see more people responding to issues rather than labels. I'd like to see more people worrying less about what their neighbors believe and do and more about their own actions. More tolerance. More critical thinking. More empathy.

If we do that, I think we'll find we can all walk similar paths without having to give up all our differences - and I seriously hope our differences never entirely go away. Those differences give life spice and texture, depth and meaning.

The world is more than black and white or even shades of gray. It's a symphony of hue and light, shadow and texture, depth and warmth. I hope we never grow monochrome.

Does that count as an answer for you?

Read more...

For Quadmama: Employment Prospects

>> Friday, May 29, 2009


Quadmama asked the Tarot Queen: Here is my question for the tarot cards: Hubby was recently interviewed for a new job and was the number one candidate. Unfortunately the project facilitating his employment was put on hold. While we're not putting all our eggs in one basket, so to speak, is it reasonable to hold out hope that this job will come through soon/eventually?

Well, let's just check that out, shall we?

Past - Nine of Swords (reversed) - Reversed, this is about worry and stress, anxiety and doubt.

Present - Knight of Wands - This card talks of journeys, travel, adventure, perhaps not a physical one, but a journey nonetheless. There is also mention of thoughts on a career change.

Future - V The High Priest - Servitude, revelation, initiation, achievement through moral character and insight.

OK, my gut reaction is that things have been kind of touch and go, stressful, either because your husband doesn't have the job he wants or is out of work, that he tried something different or took a chance and now you're waiting to see if it pays off. The third card (a higher arcana) indicates your patience may be rewarded. However, I'd like to pull another card or two to see what they say.

I pulled a Queen of Cups (reversed) which talks about self-indulgence, frivolity, changes and a fortune read. Hmm. I'm not sure what to do with that.

I also pulled the King of Pentacles which is about being adept at business, well-organized, responsible and industrious.

Hmm, I'm not sure about the Queen of Cups. It comes across as someone other than your husband, another influence, a friend or family member who's frivolous or self-absorbed. But the cards as a whole appear favorable toward your husband getting a position of responsibility.

However, just one more card...Page of Swords - authority and management, advanced notice and early warnings, be ready. I don't advocate taking tarot and the like as more than a distraction (no planning your life around it; it's for fun), but I have the say I think the cards are promising.

Best of luck.

Read more...

No More Drama for Lola


Nominally, I take questions in order, but I give special consideration to those questions/needs that are most immediate - like needing a sympathetic ear or reassurance. So, first, I'm going to focus on Lola and Quadmama. But I will get to the others this weekend, I promise.

Lola told me: I have a question. How do you stop friendship drama? Drama #1 Where I used to work there was constant drama. I was always accused of being the source of that drama, however I am friends with a co-worker and the drama persist almost 2 years after I left. I realize now that this co-worker that I'm friends with is the likely perpetuator of the drama. She's the nicest person, truly, but I spoke with her today and got sucked into work drama and I don't even work there. Drama #2 A woman whom I met on a mental health support group (who I email off and on about the health of each of our daughters) sent me a cryptic email wanting me to call her at work to discuss an issue. Turns out the woman wanted advice on "coming out" and has all kinds of husband drama (hacking her email, friend's email, etc.) I spoke with her today, but I just don't want to get involved with the drama. I gave her a resource for married women coming out, but I really don't want to be her "coming out" mentor. I didn't have one and I survived just fine. Also, she already told her parents and several other relatives and they are all very supportive. What is it about me that is attracting this drama? I have no friends to speak of, other than the former co-worker. I have more than my fair share of personal drama. I need some drama free friends in my real life, not just online. I'm serious!

Poor Lola, I really feel for you. I've heard there is a curse that says, "May you live in interesting times." Actually, I've lived that curse. I used to think my life was boring until it was a roller coaster nightmare and then I appreciated my previous dullness. Nothing like a spot of Mexican soap opera to make you appreciate going back to the documentary mode.

There are all kinds of drama and work drama is often the most frustrating, especially when you can't really discern all the dynamics of it. And, even feeling sympathetic for someone in a situation you've been in yourself (like "coming out" when married).

A little drama when your life is on an even keel, a little sympathy when you're not at wit's end--everyone can handle that. But when you're in up to your eyeballs with life's struggles, when your own battles are far from over, when it's peace you crave, more drama is the last thing you need.

I wish I could tell you how to eliminate your life's extra drama effectively. If I knew, I would have used that magic a long time ago. The best advice I can give you if people you know want to drop more drama on you than you can handle is to be frank with them, set limits on what you do and be clear with your friends when something is more than you can handle. Good friends can take the truth.

If you don't protect yourself, you won't be able to help anyone.

I hear you, Lola. Good luck.

Read more...

For Bob: Why Not Just Prove It?

>> Thursday, May 28, 2009


Bob asked: They mentioned that the Keck I and II scopes in Hawaii where so powerful that they could see a flickering light on the Moon.... do you see where I am going with this? If true, why can't we see the Apollo landing sites and photograph the remains of the LM and Lunar Rovers and put to rest all the Moon landing hoaxes going around since forever? I have heard similar comparisons about being able to see tiny stuff on the Moon with our most powerful telescopes but can never seem to research if it is really true, NASA seems not to want to talk on this point. I understand about telescope resolution and the such, but there seems to be quite a bit of confusion on what we can or can't see on the Moon. Was it a case of bad research on the part of NGC about the flickering candle or am I missing something here?

Good question and the answer (I have) is convoluted. First, let me remind you I'm not an astronomer. OK, first you spoke of seeing a "flickering light" on the moon. Well, I'm not sure what that means. Clearly, there's no open flame on the moon, but there are mirrors left from past missions, including the Apollo landings that have been used for ranging to the moon (Lunar Laser Ranging Experiment). Can't see a mirror (or use it to bounce a laser unless, hey, it exists.

But a "flickering light" doesn't give me a resolution. It is not impossible that we could get sufficient resolution to see some of the stuff we left behind, but we're not talking about something like the Great Wall of China (which can be observed from on orbit with, I think, the naked eye, but other man-made structures require telescopes). Relatively speaking, the landing sites are flyspecks on the face of the moon. Now, that doesn't mean the Keck and Keck II can't see them; it means I don't know if they can or not. And I haven't found any resolution specifics doing searching.

But as for proving things once and for all, why would it? If you're crazy enough to think the mirrors spontaneously appeared on the moon's surface, why would a picture convince you? The pictures would likely come from NASA and we already believe NASA's a liar. Doctoring a picture would be child's play.

There is, in fact, tons of objective evidence that proves we were there: tracking by different facilities all over the world, including the Soviet Union, transcripts of missions, equipment exposed to lunar conditions (as opposed to on orbit conditions), lunar dust and rocks samples older than ANY rocks we have on earth (by 700 million years). If someone doesn't believe that (and I know you're not foolish enough to be one of them), a photo ain't gonna convince you.

There are plenty of debunkers of the nonsense out there - I won't repeat what's been said a dozen clever ways, like this one and this one and this one.

Read more...

Speaking of Grateful

>> Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Yesterday, I was saying I was grateful for not working in service. Guess what else I'm grateful. I''m so grateful, I'm even including two pictures that include me.





Oh, and folks, I'm out of questions (hint, hint).

Read more...

I'm Thankful...

>> Tuesday, May 26, 2009


It occurs to me that I can fill out the spaces between blogs with some thoughts of my own. Like the one I had today...

I'm thankful I don't work in the service industry, where, day in and day out, I have to deal with customers. I went to go order some more contacts for my daughter and waited half an hour. There was only one person working it and she was doing the best possible under the circumstances. When I got here, she was helping someone picking up their glasses while another woman roamed the room, looking at frames. Then, after I got there, a pregnant woman came in prompted by the worker who was NOT at the optical store. The woman was fixin' to go any time and came with a teen and a tiny tiny kid.

The woman who'd called her hadn't told her exactly why she was coming in. Her glasses hadn't been ordered (or paid for), the insurance information was not available. And this poor lady, who looked for glasses, forms, ANYTHING to give the pregnant lady had nothing she could do for her.

No one got testy or angry with the saleslady, but I could tell she felt bad about dragging the pregnant woman on a wild goosechase (even though she hadn't done it). And felt bad about people having to wait.

Interestingly enough, you might be interested to hear that I'm so obviously a sympathetic ear I got an earful. The woman looking for glasses accosted me, first to tell me how it never rains it pours, first her cat was sick, then her eleven year old grandson. The cat, apparently, is a beautiful Tonkinese she got from the local shelter. They said not to let him outside, but what they didn't tell her was why. Apparently, he's deathly allergic to fleas. She loves him though. And she's trying to juggle vet and doctor visits while going back to school in her retirement (yes, all of this was unprompted. I think I must look trustworthy.) She is going to jury duty on the 6th and just broke her glasses so she needs new ones but she had no idea how to find some that looked good on her.

My glasses look good on me, she said (after complimenting my one beauty, my hair) and then asked if I could help her pick some out. I did. I'm good at it, told her about my own recent cat rescues (she was jealous of my little manx sweethearts, I could tell) and liked the frames I found her very much.

Nice lady. I liked her. Still, I can imagine that being trying if I had a line of people waiting on me.

In fact, even dealing with friendly, understanding, honest people day in and day out would get wearying and, let's face it, there will always be assholes. One asshole can pretty much ruin a day of nice people.

I've done some time on that side of the counter, long ago, thank heaven. I remember some of it fondly but mostly, no. I wouldn't want to do that again.

People frequently rant about the service they receive here or there, the idiots that work here or there and whatnot. Me, I'm just glad I don't have to work in those places, I don't have to apologize for situations I didn't create, I don't have to treat even the rudest and most insensitive people with friendliness. So, if I don't jump on the pick on the clerk bandwagon, well, you know why.

It's a tough and often thankless job.

All honor to them.

Read more...

For Sherri: Making Money from Blogging

>> Monday, May 25, 2009


Sherri asked: Is it really possible to earn a living from blogging? I've stumbled on some of the sites of the bloggers who claim to earn a six-figure salary. Of course, they're probably the "rock stars" of the blogosphere, and the rest of us are trying to get any gig we can. How likely is it to earn a decent amount, like a couple thousand a month?

I have no idea.

When people talk about ways of making money outside of a regular job, they are not talking about me. In fact, when it comes to making money, managing money, finding useful ways to pick up some money on the side, I stink.

You'll notice I don't really have any advertising here. It's not a moral stance, it's just that it takes some effort to make advertising bring you any significant money and, hey, that takes time and research and capability and I just don't care enough.

I've heard of a handful of people who make a decent living on line (like, for instance, Sluggy Freelance who has been able to live off his daily comic for some time). Of course, other claim to make money hand over fist on-line with "so easy" methods that you can learn and make money, too. Of course, they usually ask you to pay to hear them and my guess is that's how they earn it.

I know some mighty fine bloggers, but few if any use it as their only source of income and those bloggers I've seen who claim they do (a) aren't the ones writing good blogs ( more like advertising) and (b) have multiple blogs and (c) advertising out the wazzoo.

Now, as I mentioned, I'm the last person on earth to tell anyone about making money, but my practical side thinks TANSTAAFL is a likely truth (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch). People who think you can make money for doing little or nothing are in the same group as those that think you can melt away tens of pounds with a pill or cream: either dreamers or those willing to manipulate others for their own gain.

Can you make a few bucks blogging? Yeah, and my understanding is it isn't too hard. Can you make thousands every month? If you can, I haven't the faintest idea how, but I'm pretty skeptical that it's likely. For most, I just don't see that as a likely result.

Read more...

For Laura: Cheap Wi-Fi

>> Sunday, May 24, 2009


Laura said: Where I work (at a gym) I used to be able to get a good wireless signal very easily. However, it was an unlocked network, and they seem to have either cut its signal strength or closed it entirely, because it doesn't even show up anymore. I am able to sometimes get a signal if I go sit in the handicapped shower stall in the women's locker room. However, that gets cold and uncomfortable quite quickly, so I don't spend much time doing that. :) I have an Asus EeePC netbook. What options do I have in the United States to be able to get a signal without having to do the locker room dance?

Wouldn't it be lovely to have readily accessible wi-fi everywhere? It's not technologically impossible or even that difficult. It would make thing simple, but most places in the country (US) we don't have it. I'm not sure about the situation in other countries (although I think it's similar in Canada).

As a result, we are dependent on others when we're not in our homes (where we have the option of setting up our own wifi). Some locations have private wifi (locked) that requires a password. Some have private wifi that they will charge you to use (several airports have this), but costs vary and you're pretty much at their mercy.

I'm not an expert on this either. I have my own wifi network at home and I never work anywhere where network isn't part of the job. In fact, this only becomes an issue for me when I travel, but it can readily be an issue then. I expect, when I tell you what little I know, others will pop in and provide more insight into this discussion.

As for the free wifi, you're pretty much at one's mercy, too. If your gym doesn't have wifi as part of the deal, chances are you're tying in to someone else's private or business wifi. When you tie into private but open wifi, you're technically stealing a bit of their bandwidth. Chances are, it won't hurt anyone unless you're a hacker, but it does leave them vulnerable if you were doing anything unsavory or illegal. And, if they are already near the extent of their bandwidth, it can slow their network down appreciably.

The situation you describe sounds like you're tapping into someone else's network. There are homemade doohickies to try to build, but they tend to be bulky and I wouldn't personally bank on it. There are places that welcome patrons with free wifi, like many McDonalds, Subways, coffee shops, but that's only a help if you can get away.

If you can't find an available network, you have the option of getting a card for your computer that uses a cellular option. Unfortunately, these are not cheap and usually will add to your monthly cellular bill. You might be able to add it to your existing cellular plan relatively inexpensively, but it's a definite expense and it would depend on how much having it would mean to you. Still, such access is considerably less expensive than it used to be and anywhere where your cellphone has coverage, your computer likely would as well.

Now, I expect a dozen more expert individuals to give you even better advice, but this represents the extent of what I know on this subject.

Read more...

For Quadmama: Blog Makeovers

>> Saturday, May 23, 2009


Quadmama asked: How do I go about finding someone to create a cool blog page for me without charging me an arm and a leg? And what's a fair rate for said design (say layout, header and "borders"?)

Well, for the first question, I'd have to recommend word of mouth. Bloggers love to tell you where they got stuff. If you see a pretty blog, don't hesitate to ask where they got it. Lola's Diner, for example, just got a facelift - and she'll be happy to tell you where. Or you might have been admiring my beautiful blog. Well, I got a facelift from Lady Java (thanks to the word of mouth from flit) who has done three of flit's blogs, both flit's daughter's blogs, Today.com exiles, Dark Novels and a number of other today.com exiles' blogs. She charged me $35 (she advertises $35-50 and that seems typical) and used the same template (but tweaked the colors) in my other blog. I gave her a little extra for her trouble, but she didn't ask for it.

Personally, I'm very satisfied and have nothing but praise for the end results, the responsiveness of Lady Java and the speed of the switch. However, ask around. Don't settle for the first one you see (unless it's JUST the look you're going for), or feel pressured to use someone a friend recommends. And, if you have tech-savvy friends, they might be able to set you up even cheaper because there are a great many free blog templates out there.

I'd say, for what you're looking for, expect to pay ~$35. Having a blog makeover done is quick and relatively speaking a no brainer and, if you get a good developer, they'll fix little issues if you ask them soon after the initial installation. That's the easy way.

Go looking for templates and ask forums and you might find a way to do it for free, but it will be more internet "legwork" and might not glean you exactly what you had in mind. But the price is right.

By the way, here are some tips before a blog makeover. Good advice.

Read more...

For JD: Cat Vanity

>> Friday, May 22, 2009

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
JD asked: Why do most cats (in my experience, anyway) seem to not see themselves in mirrors? I know this isn't true of all cats, because we had a cat who was fascinated by his reflection . . . but only the first time he saw himself. After that, he was all, meh. But all our other cats don't even seem to see their reflection. What's up with these crazy cats?


JD, I'm glad you asked. For those of you who didn't know it (and there can't be many of you by now), I am a cat person. I love the way cats are so dignified, even when they're doing something undignified (like falling off your lap). I love that they demand attention rather than beg for it. I love that they can amuse themselves if the situation calls for it. I love that they purr.

I respect cats and cat magic. Part of that respect is not confusing them with other pets (like dogs, which have their own charm but it is not to be confused, in any way, with cat charm) or people.

So, circling back to your question, cats are very much like Beau Brummel in how they regard mirrors. Now, if you're not heavy into Regency English history (or Georgette Heyer novels), you might not know who he is. Beau Brummel was a former gentlemen's gentleman (valet) who managed to climb to the pinnacle of high society. At a time when heels, padding, lace and jewelry were still big for men (as well as pastels and corsets), he called for a distinct style that centered around cleanliness and simplicity. His style was understated and pristine, short on gewgaws and affectation. Beau Brummel was also something of a sarcastic and vicious wit (with a gambling problem that contributed significantly to his downfall), but it was his fashion that is best remembered. I know I'm grateful that he brought bathing into fashion - pomades were not a good substitute.

Among the legends surrounding Brummel was that he never looked in the mirror once he'd left his dressing room. He took hours over his morning toilette, putting every hair in to place, every chosen crease into his cravat, before sallying forth - so sure of his perfection that he never had to tweak it during the day or assure himself of his appearance.

That is what I think the answer to your question is. Cats are very self-assured. They know they are charming, whether it's the goofy charm of a gangly half-kitten-half-cat, the refined dignity of an elderly statescat or the affectionate comfort of a happy lapcat. When first comfronted with a mirror, they might take a second to realize who they are seeing in the mirror. But, once realizing that the image is just a reflection of their own perfection, they lose interest. Need I point out how important cleanliness is to cats as well.

They don't need reassurance as to their beauty.

They don't need reinforcement of their charm and grace.

All those are a given.

Mirrors are for the insecure.

Hope that helps.

Read more...

For flit's husband: Starting a New Business

>> Thursday, May 21, 2009


I interrupt the questions I was asked to do an emergency reading for flit's husband who just got fired (sort of) and is starting a new business.

So, I'm going to find out what the cards say about Ross and his future business endeavors. Naturally, I'll start with my standard three card layout: past, present and future.

Past - VII The Chariot - It's a complex card, involving trials, obstacles, but also success and balance. It speaks to me of a self-made situation where you have been largely successful through hard work, patience and perseverance. I don't see wealth, per se, or great success, but I see a journey where you have largely come out successfully through your own skills and acumen
Present - Wands V - A good reflection of your current situation. Here you are, a self-made capable business man, unafraid of hard work, wanting to stay busy and make a decent living. But you're in a situation that offers little freedom or scope, where those in charge are dictatorial and treat you quixotically. You feel hampered and you want to prove yourself, show them how to do it right.

Future - VI The Lovers - Unsurprisingly, this is often tied to romance (and in a good way), but it also involves testing, making choices, impulse, predicaments, and all those other things that go with starting one's own business. And, since flit's helping, there's that, too. It's also about building trust and finding strength through relationships, which could be an excellent way to get started. Still, I'm sure you'd like to know what your near future holds (preferably more specifically business) and your long term future.

II High Priestess - You have a lot of major arcana, powerful powerful cards. I can't help but think that's a good thing. And this is a good card. Here's where you take your knowhow, your experiences, your intelligence, your foresight and your common sense and use them to your advantage. However, female power is a key factor here (it says specifically a moody or critical woman), with her knowhow and creativity. Fortunately, I know you have that available, too. Short term, things look good.

But long term stymied me. First, I pulled Page of Swords (reversed) - but it spoke of someone manipulative, hateful and untrustworthy, of unforeseen difficulties. I thought perhaps I had it confused with some of your current influences, so I pulled again, Swords II (reversed) - duplicity, disloyalty, tension, hidden enemies at work. One more time, XV The Devil (reversed) - evil influence at work with an escape in the nick of time as you escape your ties to someone, as you realize those bonds can be broken.

I have to say, the cards I pulled at the end were insistent - clearly you'll be involved with someone in your new endeavors, someone you trust but who betrays that trust. You can weather the challenges, but it might not be easy and you'll have to let someone go ties that matter to you.

Other than that, though, things are looking pretty darned good.

Read more...

For Anonymous: Labor Relations

>> Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Anonymous said: And I hired a group of workers paid them in full tried to help them but because of the economy and other issues I had to pay them less. I gave them notice and they are still not happy. They say nasty things about me the hurt my business and worst part it is not true. Any ideas?

Well, let me start with the disclaimer that I've never owned my own business or had employees. Any advice I'd give specific to that would be speculative. But, for all I don't know about that, I do know what it's like to fight a reputation.

First, I have to say, although I know the economy is tough, I can sympathize with your workers to an extent. The circumstances may have been beyond your control, but it was likely beyond their control as well. If they performed their services as agreed, I can understand being disappointed to receive less than expected or be laid off. Losing one's job makes one feel disjointed, unappreciated, and can mean real financial hardship, even ruin. That's tough for anyone and it's hard to be objective when that happens. I don't know the circumstances and I'm not judging - just explaining that they have a side in all this and, whether you could help it or not, it's hard not to feel sorry for people who were promised something and didn't get it.

But I do know about making commitments that, despite your best efforts, you couldn't meet. I once had to declare bankruptcy and it was the hardest thing I think I've ever done. It was necessary, likely unavoidable, but I still haven't quite forgiven myself for it. You can't pay money you don't have. In trying not to fire people, you can go too far, as this article about Japan demonstrates.

So, despite your best efforts, there are disgruntled ex-employees saying disgruntled things and ruining your business. What can you do?

Not much, I think. If they say demonstrably untrue things, one could sue them, but I think that would not only be a huge hassle with no returns, but you'd advertise those same lies much more than they are likely to be spread by the employees alone. It's almost like legitimizing the lies.

But it limits your options.

The best advice I can give you:

  • Do an honorable business.
  • Make every effort you can to make your remaining employees happy.
  • Be careful to make only commitments you are confident you can meet.
I'm a firm believer that, if you remain honest and true, even the worst lies will eventually lose their power. That doesn't mean it will be easy, that it won't be painful, that you won't have any long term effects from the stories.

But, if you are patient and consistent, hopefully your clients will realize that you do a good business and they'll either recognize the lies for lies or will consider those stories sour grapes.

Read more...

For Aron: Email and Networking

>> Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Aron asked me a couple of questions: I just got my university e-mail address, should I use this e-mail differently from my personal e-mail and professional e-mail. If I had a choice between my MSN and university e-mail, which one should I use? Why is networking so great, it feels so phony? I feel networking is just another work for using people, what do you think?

Well, Aron, I don't know how you use your current emails, but let me tell you how I use my emails. I have a "family-only" email, a public email, and sixty or seventy work emails (OK, maybe not sixty or seventy but it feels that way. Just sixty or seventy passwords and I wish that was an exaggeration).

At home, I read my public/home emails indiscriminately. I can read both my work emails from home, but I generally don't unless I'm off work for a while (like when I was on maternity leave). When I give a family member/special friend my email, I generally use my personal email. However, when I talk to anyone else, register for anything on line, make a purchase, ask for information, ANYTHING else, I use my public email. Always. Because of my internet provider (which I've had now for like eight years), I can always dump the public email if it starts attracting disgusting amounts of spam or becomes unwieldy. I'll change the email on those sites where it counts and the rest will probably fall by the wayside.

However, I use my professional (work) email for 100% of my work related stuff. Always. If I have a professional organization thing going, they get my work email. Coworkers, colleagues, etc. work email. I keep that separate from my home stuff and I never use it to buy things, register (except for work related things) or for anything else that would attract spam.

Now, does that mean you have to do what I'm doing? Nope, but I have it specifically designed to have a sacrificial email and keep the others clean to use for special purposes. If you like that setup, you can use it yourself or you can do a variation that works for you.

As for the question on networking, well, it depends on what you're talking about. I know a large number of people who say, "I looked at your stuff - look at mine." And I do look. Once. I will keep looking, however, if they have something interesting to say. I will not if they don't interest me.

But there's another kind of networking. That's having people you've come across that have specific expertise or who can look at something objectively or review a novel or whatever. I have a network of people I know at work who have specific expertise. I have another at home where they have specific expertise. And I don't look at it as using people, though I do occasionally use them, for several reasons:

  1. No one ever is obligated to do anything for me. I ask. If they say no or it ain't their bag, I look elsewhere or figure it out myself.
  2. I'm there for them, too, whether they are there for me or not. If they need a reviewer or an ear or a bit of data on something, I do my best to comply. I make time and make sure they know I value them enough to make an effort on their behalf. No obligation. (And that's important. If someone only does something because they expect something, it means very little). Same thing at work. I know some experts, but I've been called in as an expert on some things. That's what makes the networking work.
  3. I'm smart enough to know I can't know everything. No one can't. I learn all I can, but, when I'm in over my head, I'm smart enough to ask for help, for expertise, for support. Not only is that the best way to address a thorny problem, getting the right minds on it, but I always learn something else in the process. And they often do too. There's nothing cooler than learning something new.
So, by all means, network. One word of advice, though. When looking for expertise, don't just call up an expert in something and say, "So tell me something." or wait for them to bring you knowledge. Most experts are, understandably, busy. Bring them questions or problems or scenarios, have them review work you've tried to do already, but make an honest effort yourself. If you start wanting your network to do your thinking for you, you'll soon find you have no network.

Read more...

For Patricia: Commencement Questions

>> Monday, May 18, 2009


Patricia asked: What is the best advice you have ever heard from a commencement speaker or (maybe) should have heard from a commencement speaker? Also, if you care to comment, do you agree or disagree with Notre Dame's decision to have Obama speak?

Wow, I think I've heard two commencement speeches ever and neither of them were particularly inspiring. Admittedly, when I was in college, I didn't spend a lot of time listening to speeches and whatever they said at my own commencement in college (and, for that matter, in high school) made not the slightest impression. But then I've pretty much always known what I wanted (to be a writer and have enough money for food).

I have, however, read various theoretical commencement speeches. Snopes has a number of them and some were real speeches and others not. I'll be honest, though, I wasn't desperately inspired reading those. In fact, I've enjoyed reading Dave Barry's One Degree of Separation, not because it was inspirational but because it was frighteningly true in some respects and desperately funny.

If I were to give commencement advice (and the odds of someone asking me to are vanishingly small) I think I'd tell them:

  • Never stop learning; at best you've learned the tools that help you keep learning here - use them the rest of your life and you can't be stopped.
  • Never put your ethics on the auction block. No matter what you win and lose, in the end you have to live with yourself. Best if you're proud of who you made yourself.
  • Take responsibility for yourself starting now. No more excuses, no more rationalizations. From this point, you take responsibility for the person you are and the choices you make. Sure, what happened to you helped make you, but where you go from here is your own responsibility.
  • Take care of yourself starting now - when you realize you're mortal, you'll have already done irreparable harm.
  • Don't stop playing. A little imagination, a little silliness - if you don't have it, what are you working so hard for?
So, now you know no one will be tapping me for the job. Now, if I could somehow make it funny...

As for your second question, I think it was a fine thing for Notre Dame to do, and not just because I respect Obama and am pro-choice (though I'm both of those things). I think there are segments of the population who have bought into this notion of "wedge" issues. They (and "they're" not just right or left - there are examples on either side) use a single issue as a litmus test on how they feel about someone politically. I think this is very unhealthy. People are more than a single opinion. Most of us have a collection of opinions and, for many of us, they span the gamut of right and left. Focus on one issue only, and you get a skewed view of who we are. Focus on one issue only and you lose sight of merits or weaknesses we might otherwise have. Focus on one issue and, truthfully, you really don't know who we are.

I respect Notre Dame's decision because I think it means they are looking at Obama as a whole, recognizing, whether there are philosophical differences or not, that he is a leader in this world and that he is articulate, intelligent and inspiring. Truth is, if we can't see past our differences to what makes us all human and American, we will continue to have problems that we won't ever solve.

Notre Dame, in my opinion, has taken a step forward and set a good example for us all.

Read more...

I'm Needing Questions Again

>> Sunday, May 17, 2009

If Lola hadn't had a meme to steal, I'd be all out of things to write about on this blog. Questions, I need questions. Or my blog will die... So, pull out those tarot questions for/about kids or pets. As about science questions on your kids' homework that stumped you. Ask about science, nature, family, whatever, and, if I don't know, history says someone will come forward who does.

In the meantime, check out this lovely meme I found on Lola's Diner.

The 29er

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Credit cards. I know it's stupid to have any left to hang over me.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
We clearly need another one. Neither of us can remember.

3. How many colleges did you attend?
One

4. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's funny: "BOMB TECHNICIAN: If you see me running, try to keep up!"

5. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
We don't do alarms on the weekend. Thank Heaven. Though everyone was unusually up before eight.

6. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
What do I have to do tomorrow?

7. What do you miss being a child?
Nothing. I'm not sure I ever really was a child.

8. What errand/chore do you despise?
Trying to think of one I don't despise...I hate cleaning the bathrooms, not that I have to often. Lee is never satisfied with how I do them.

9. Have you found real love yet?
Yes.

10. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Baby girl clothes. They're just so cute.

11. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No. Lee does, though. He only went through it for me.

12. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Warren Buffett. He seems like a card and I respect many of his attitudes.

13. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No, but I've done real fire extinguishing training with a fire extinguisher and a real fire house. Never HAD to use them though.

14. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Sequoia National Forest and Big Sur.

15. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career.

16. Do you have a “go to” person?
It depends on the subject. I actually have several "go to" people, though I'm more often the "go to" person than needing one.

17. Are you where you want to be in life?
I'm in pretty good shape, but there are a few things that could be better.

18. Over the years, what about you do you think has changed the most?
Waistline.

19. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
Uh, no.

20. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
Not really, but I have more silly fun now than I ever did.

21. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
I have no idea; I wasn't invited.

22. Who do you think impacted your life the most?
There are a number of people can't imagine my life without: Sue, my father, my children, my college roommate, certain teachers, my sister, some excellent friends, my husband. And some with some ugly impacts. Who can tell what I'd be without any one of them?

23. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you?
9th grade English, Mr. Haynes (now sadly deceased).

24. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age”?
Yes, frequently. My daughter is certain her life is harder than it's ever been for anyone else. (She has to walk home from school!)

25. What is the scariest thing that has happened to you as an adult?
When my daughter got pneumonia at four months old.

26. What advice would you give to someone about to get married?
Don't settle. If you can't imagine your life without him/her, if they make you happy to be around, you're doing the right thing. If not, wait.

27. What advice would you give someone starting their first job?
Make sure you're worth the money; always do the right thing; never sell out your integrity.

28. If you could go back and change one thing you did, what would it be?
I would have left my ex-husband sooner.

29. If you could go back and change one thing someone else did, what would it be?
I wish we'd never started the wars in the Middle East.

Remember folks, I'm looking for questions!

Read more...

Letting you in on my stolen book meme

>> Friday, May 15, 2009

So, a couple of people got a couple of answers on my Stolen Book Meme. Apparently, my sister never saw it.

Anyway, since I'm the sort of person who hates never knowing the answer so, for that reason, I'm providing them to the interested. If you missed it and want to figure it out before seeing the lines, click the link and do your best. If, however, you've done your best, here's your chance.
1. Faro's Daughter by Georgette Heyer

2. Naked in Death by JD Robb (Nora Roberts), the first book in the In Death series

3. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas (padre, I think)

4. JD got this (first): Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

5. The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy

6. JD got this (first): Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

7. Davida got this (first): These Old Shades by Georgette Heyer

8. I can't believe no one got this. The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein.

9. Conflict of Honors by Sharon Lee and Steve Miller, the first book in the Liaden Series.

10. flit got this (first): Shogun by James Clavell


Read more...

Hey, More on Ba Zi

>> Thursday, May 14, 2009


*lynne* at Answers Without, Answers Within will do the Chinese Ba Zi or Paht Chee or Four Pillars reading for anyone interested. She also has some other reading options for those interested.

As I am with the Tarot Queen, she doesn't claim to be an expert (and I've read there's a great deal of expertise required to become a master at this) but she's happy to do a reading for free, but you have to let her publish it on her blog (you can use a pseudonym).

I'm going to do it. I haven't a clue how to evaluate a Chinese fortune unless I did tons of research and, truthfully, I just don't have the time.

And, of course, I'm cool with a public fortune. (Now you'll all know if I become a serial killer as soon as I do!). But, I'll also be posting the salient points here along with links to *lynne*'s blog and her guidelines for readings.

Thanks, *lynne*! This is going to be fun.

Read more...

For Anonymous: Ba Zi Anyone?

>> Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Anonymous asked: hey u believe in Chinese Ba Zi & can u intepret one?

Actually, this is technically easy to answer since I never heard of it. So, no I can't say I believe in it, per se. And, naturally, I have no skill in interpreting it.

But I am interested in different things so I looked it up. Thank you, Wikipedia. Apparently, Ba Zi is Chinese astrology, specifically a reading of one's destiny based on the year, month, day and hour of one's birth. Now, when you put it that way, I've read about such things. More than one book that touched on Chinese culture (and, yes, I know it's more complex than that) explained how seriously this was regarded as a fortune was often solemnly cast early in a child's life and the results were taken as gospel.

Note that, though I can't claim to "believe" it, I do not disbelieve it either. These fortunes are taken very seriously by a great many people and I think there are many things that are not readily explained. I don't read my own horoscope, but I do identify with my sign (Western Zodiac: Scorpio). I learned tarot very skeptically and I'm still a little mystified when it makes sense. I don't know that I believe anything absolutely in the fortune telling world, but I believe it's possible. And that would extend to Ba Zi. I will say that the Chinese method for predicting a baby's gender was spot on with all three of my children.

Now, if you were hoping I could do a Ba Zi reading, I'm sorry. I'm not exactly sure what it would take to become proficient, but I'm not currently. However, there are sites that can perform readings. And I did find this handy dandy gadget courtesy of Four Pillars and Feng Shui Calculator:


How cool is that? The Wikipedia article I cited above has other links as well.

Sorry I couldn't help you out much, but I hope you had fun. I did. I'll use the calculator myself and tell you what it says in a comment.

Read more...

Another Filler Meme

>> Tuesday, May 12, 2009


This cool beauty I stole from Books and Movies Review. Way cool so I had to do it. Thank heavens I had some posts to fill in while I was out of touch.

The idea is to provide the first line from ten of your favorites and see who gets it (guessing in the comment). I update it when someone gets it. I expect I've got a few stumpers in here (eclectic tastes), but I'd love to be surprised. OK, so maybe we need some hints.

1. Upon her butler's announcing the arrival of Mr. Ravenscar, Lady Mablethorpe, who had been dozing over a novel from the Circulating Library, sat up with a jerk, and raised a hand to her dishevelled cap. Hint: The classic "Regency Romance" author whose books are still in print even though she's been dead for nearly 35 years. Of course, that only narrows it to 40 or so.

2. She woke in the dark. Through the slats in the window shades, the murky hint of dawn slipped, slanting shadowy bars over the bed. Hint: First in a best-selling series still going strong.

3. On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de la Garde signalled the three master, the Pahroan from Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples. Hint: Classic, classic, classic. Hey, there's nothing wrong with French writers.

4. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife. JD got this (first): Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

5. A surging, seething, murmuring crowd of beings that are human only in name, for to the eye and ear they seem naught but savage creatures, animated by vile passions and by the lust of vengeance and hate. Hint: Another classic, this time by a woman (based on the name).

6. 1801. --I have just returned from a visit to my landlord--the solitary neighbour that I shall be troubled with. JD got this (first): Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

7. A gentleman was strolling down a side street in Paris, on his way back from the house of one Madame de Verchoureux. Davida got this (first): These Old Shades by Georgette Heyer

8. I see in Lunaya Pravda that the Luna City Council has passed on first reading a bill to examine, license, inspect--and tax--public food vendors operating inside municipal pressure. Hint: Science fiction doesn't get much better or more classic than this. In my opinion, the best of a long and illustrious career.

9. Eight Chants past Midsong: twilight. In the plaza around Maidenstairs a crowd began to gather: men and women in brightly colored work clothes; here and there the sapphire or silver flutter of Circle robes. Hint: If These Old Shades is not my favorite, this modern science fiction series (first novel here) is.

10. The gale tore at him and he felt its bite deep within and he knew that if they did not make landfall in three days they would all be dead. flit got this (first): Shogun by James Clavell

Have fun.

P.S. Want to know what's cool? 1-6 I got without having to open more than my eBook. How neat is that?

Read more...

I stole this meme from Lola's Diner, Part 2

>> Monday, May 11, 2009

Yep, and here's part 2. Lola's answers can be found here.

21. A better name for me would be:
Cassandra. If there's something no one likes, it's a soothsayer who won't shut up and is unfailingly honest.

22. I have a hard time understanding:
Intolerance. Why does everyone have to live their lives the way you think they should? Why are so many determined to make everyone see things they do? Diversity is WONDERFUL.

23. If I ever go back to school, I'll:
HAHAHAHAHA. Good luck with that. School is so much work and I have a family to support.

24. You know I like you if:
I'm willing to tease you. I'm always unfailing polite to people I don't like.
25. If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be:
Depends on the award. Different people have helped with different aspects of my life.
26. When I compare 80's rock to to 90's rock:
I doubt I could name 10 90's rock songs. So, I guess I favor 80's rock.

27. Take my advice, never:
Work for Krug Life Sciences (now Wyle), blog for Today.com or marry my ex-husband. Also, never let anyone else's expectations determine who and what you are.

28. My ideal breakfast is:
I generally eat several boiled eggs which isn't too bad. I don't know that I have a favorite breakfast.

29. A song I love, but do not own is:
The Highwayman, by the 3 D's.

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
Only bringing cash you can afford to lose. Also, there are some great amateur places near there to rock climb (Valley of Fire, Red Rock Canyon). I grew up in eight different states, but Las Vegas is where I liked living best.

31. My favorite Beatle is:
Paul, since he was the closest to one who could actually sing.

32. Why won't people:
Mind their own business? Who cares about the private lives of actors and singers? Why should we care or demand to know? Clean your own house and don't worry about everyone else.
33. If you spend the night at my house:
Be on the lookout for baby toys. Roxy's busy in a moving stuff from one place to another kick.

34. I'd stop my wedding for:
A kid or vomit. Kids, because they often need attention right now. Vomit because that seriously breaks the mood.
35. The world could do without:
War.

36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Hurt someone else unnecessarily. Even a stranger.
37. My favorite blond(e) is:
My husband, my son and my sister. OK, so I couldn't pick just one.

38. Paper clips are more useful than:
Gem quality rubies and diamonds, but they look stupid in a ring.

39. If I do anything well, it's:
Likely why I'm doing it. I hate looking stupid doing things I do poorly.

40. And by the way:
This was fun. You should try it.

Read more...

I Stole This Meme from Lola's Diner Part 1

>> Sunday, May 10, 2009

And I'm not sorry I did. (You can see Lola's answers here).

1. My uncle once:
told me about a fusion reactor he was planning to design to provide free energy all over the world from a satellite. But I haven't heard anything from this uncle in decades. Literally.

2. Never in my life:
Wow, this list is long. Among the things I do not do is jump from a height. Ever. No high diving, no skydiving, no bungee jumping, no rides where I end up in free fall. If I was in a burning plane, I'd probably go down with it.

3. When I was seventeen:
I was starting college, desperate not to be hated, awkward, too smart for my own good. Really, I'm surprised no one tattooed the word "dork" on my forehead. Oh, and males of my acquaintance avoided me like the plague.

4. High School was:
Frustrating in some ways. The same things that applied to college applied to high school, but I had managed to get some friends when I lived in Las Vegas and went through a period of time where I was more than "the smart kid from out of town". Then, my senior year of high school, my parents moved from Las Vegas NV to Ada OK. Need I say more?

5. I will never forget:
The way I felt when I realized Lee was the one.

6. I once met:
Actually, I've met a number of astronauts, including a couple of Apollo astronauts. And I've gotten to know several more. I'm very lucky.

7. There's this girl I know who:
gave female engineers a bad name. She was unable to take criticism, unable to listen to others if they were male or a "lowly" technician and her work reflected her limited scope.

8. Once, at a bar:
I picked up my husband who was enjoying his first night at a bar. He was pretty happy and sloppy affectionate. It was also my only time at a bar.

9. By noon, I'm usually:
Through with my early morning work. Really, my life is pretty boring before noon.

10. Last night:
I blogged and watched Netflix with my husband.
11. If only I had:
Left my first husband when my daughter was first born.

12. Next time I go to gym/church:
I have no idea. I don't frequent either.

13. Susan Boyle:
I think she has a lovely voice, but I don't understand the big deal. Only an idiot thinks the way someone looks can tell you everything about them. Also, talent comes in all kinds of unexpected packages. Judging before you know someone - stupid.

14. What worries me most:
My daughter. She's so unhappy at her father's house, feeling outside and marginalized, but I feel helpless to help her.

15. When I turn my head left, I see:
The master bath in serious need of cleaning.
16. When I turn my head right, I see:
My baby girl and my husband, two of the loves of my life. I'm sure there's some more mess, but who can see past that?

17. You know I'm lying when:
Lying is not something I generally do, especially to people I love. But, on those very very rare instances when I lie, you'll have no idea. I don't do it lightly.

18. What I miss most about the eighties:
The music. Don't hate me! (Seriously, stop throwing things!)
19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be:
Viola comes to mind, but I can't for the life of me tell you why.

20. By this time next year:
I'm hoping the inside of the house will be effectively done (except kitchen/bathroom remodels) and we'll be redoing outside.

More on part two. A meme of 40 is pretty frickin' long.

Read more...

For Davida: Writing a Novel

>> Saturday, May 9, 2009


Davida asked: How long did it take you to write each of your books? What was your inspiration? Did you follow a particular format (like writing an outline or making sure each chapter was perfect before moving on to the next or some other method)? How many queries (I think that's right) did you send out and what happened? What would you do differently, as far as getting one published, the next time?

This is a nontrivial question and it deserves a nontrivial answer. But first, some caveats. First, although I've published three short stories and some technical papers, I am not a published novelist. I can point you to some directions for publishing advice, but I wouldn't put much stock in mine because, hey, it hasn't worked yet. I also am not qualified to answer that last question, but maybe someone who is published can chime in.

Secondly, I truly believe there is not one right answer, one right method, one perfect tool for writing a novel. Some people live and die by the outline. Others do it in fits and spurts. Others sit down and write a minimum number of pages whether they feel like it or not. Some write through and then revise. Others constantly revise and tweak as they write it. I'll be happy to tell you what I do, but don't throw out a method that's working for you because I do something differently. In fact, you might have to try a dozen or so different things before you find out what works and what doesn't.

However, there are some rules I think apply to darn near every writer (this is to write good stuff, not necessarily to get published - though it sure would be nice if those two synced up, eh?)

  1. Write stuff you like to read. Many say write what you know - that's fine if it's what you like to read, but not if it's not. You will never be happy as a writer unless at least you like your own stuff.
  2. Read stuff of the type you want to write. Mix it up, try a few more authors. Find what works for you (and no adopting a style that makes you uncomfortable just because a popular writer adopts it - you have to like it).
  3. Read your stuff out loud (preferably with an audience that is willing to tell you if something sounds wrong). Not only can you catch more typos and grammatical errors this way than you ever though possible, you can find sentences and dialog that sounds awkward. And, if it sounds bad, it can almost undoubtedly be written better. I do this multiple times. Always.
  4. Get someone to read it when you have a working draft and after each revision. Get someone willing to tell you what they really think. If they do nothing but gush (or just say, "not my style"), you need a different reader. No first draft is perfect.
  5. When your reader has taken the time to read your novel, give them the courtesy of taking each suggestion and comment seriously. That doesn't mean you have to agree with it or change it, but think about it. Perhaps they are the only person on earth who would see it that way, but they might not be. If you can address their suggestion without changing your book essentially (or compromising your vision or your voice), consider doing so. Come up with a compelling reason for every comment you decide not to implement and if, at the end of the day, you've implemented none of them, either your reader was just not right or you need to reconsider (and I'd check you first). :)
  6. When you think you've finished a draft or a revision, while others are reading it or not, let it lie for at least two weeks, preferably a month or two. If you jump right back into it when you've just finished it, it will either be perfect to you or it will be crap. You need a little distance to look at it objectively. NEVER send off a novel or a book the day after you finished a major rework. Wait, read it again and clean up small stuff, but, if you find you need major rework, you'll need another cooling off period.
Those are all recommendations I'd given any writer and that I follow myself.

Now, to actually answer your questions.

I have completed three novels, all while working full time. Cumulatively, they have taken me 20 years. However, the first one is in serious need of a major rework. One is only on the second draft and one has gone through several major revisions and is, I think, "done". The "done" one, with all the reworking, took me twelve years. The first one, I worked on for about six years, off and on. This last one, complete with its first draft, less than two years. During the first two books, I took off multiple years several times. Life happens.

Note also that I work on eight or so novels at one time. While I have three completed drafts, I have 5-15 chapters completed in at least five other novels. I grow stale on one, I'm quite likely to switch to something new (or, heaven help me, a new novel).

Note however, that the first novel, in serious need of a rewrite, taught me a great deal about character development and dialog. The second helped me with plot and world-building. And, with each one, the first draft improved immeasurably from the first draft of the book before. I'm actually quite pleased with my newest novel despite it being in first draft form. That one, by the way, I wrote the first half (~50,000) in one week. I was inspired. I wrote like five more chapters than Vista ATE the whole thing (OFF the hard drive; I'd backed it up) and I had to reconstruct it. It was so disheartening, I didn't touch it for a year (oh, and I had a baby and revised the other "done" novel and started another one and got 12 chapters in).

I write in spurts and don't write every day; for me, writing stale makes my work so bad I get disgusted and put it away, sometimes indefinitely. I don't use an outline, but think up characters in detail, then put them in situations that interest me than generally stand back. I sometimes make character cheatsheets, but usually to make sure I don't mess things up and change eye color or something. I often have ensemble casts so it's easier than you think to get mixed up. You will not be surprised to note that plot is still not my strong suit.

I tend to write along gangbusters until some plot twist comes along I didn't see (or I find a useful change) and then I'll stop moving forward and rework what I've already done to make it work. Many prefer many revisions, but only doing it as a whole. I really do both. I'm too anal to leave something I know is broken behind.

As for queries, there are many websites devoted to that kind of thing and it depends on whether you want to troll for an agent first or try your hand at publishers. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, but I think most publishers would tell you that, if you can get an agent, do so. Kinda like having a lawyer when going to court.

I hope that helped you. Remember, there are dozens of different ways and speeds to write. There are very successful authors that generate half a dozen books a year or more. Others take years for each. Pick your own speed.

Read more...

I Confess I Stole It...um...Friday

>> Friday, May 8, 2009

Here’s a Stolen Saturday idea that I got from Patricia at Subjective Soup. You might want to try this yourself because it might just give you a whole new perspective on yourself! Here are my responses:
Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Shadow Spectra

Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Loafer

Yo
ur Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Purple Dolphin
Your soap opera name (middle name, city of your birth): Edith Keene [I can't believe I just admitted to that middle name - I'd have to be the ancient family matriarch]

Your
Star Wars name (first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name): Barst

Your
Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Blue Dew

Your
NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Frank Julius

Your
Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Gardenia Truffle

Your TV Weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with same letter): Garrett Greenwich

Your
Spy name (your favorite season/holiday flower): Autumn Daffodil

Yo
ur Cartoon name (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): PJ Blackberry

Your
Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Cracker Elm

You
r Movie (or porn) star name (most recent pet, first street where you lived): Bete Clueless [Sheesh, I can barely remember the LAST street I lived on let alone the first - though if I used that street name, I'd be Bete Magnolia]


Read more...

For atorturedsoul: Will My Rages Destroy My Marriage?

>> Thursday, May 7, 2009


Atorturedsoul asked the Tarot Queen: I have some personal issues going on (home and family life) that has caused me to start having episodes of outright rage. (I'm bipolar, of course.) It causes a great deal of stress in my marriage. Is my husband (and me) going to stick it out over the long haul or eventually give up?

Questions about relationships are always difficult. There are so many factors involved and the cause of the underlying issues isn't always clear. People living with individuals with severe mental illnesses are often unsung heroes with a store of patience that's often taken for granted. It ain't easy (I know from experience) and sometimes the pain isn't worth the effort (again experience), but, when the individual struggling with the issues is so precious, when the struggles and anguish are leavened with love and healing, the most surprising individuals can stick with it. And, again, that's experience.

I don't know you or your husband, but I can understand worrying. However, if you are doubting if you're willing to stick it, seriously, you don't need cards. If, instead, he matters to you enough that this is a serious fear of yours (perhaps one that contributes to your uncertainty and therefore rages), perhaps we can find some insight that will give you guidance. But these are just cards, as I've cautioned before and, while I can hope they will give you guidance, your life will still be what you make it.

I'm going to start by asking about the health of your marriage. If the cards foresee challenges, I'll ask for more data, but we'll start with just the three cards.

Past. Ace of Wands (reversed). Not a propitious card for the past. In the reversed position, this card speaks of false starts and thwarted goals, emptiness and decadence, chaos and selfishness. Clearly, there were a number of issues in the past (can't tell yet if it is you, him, or your relationship here).

Present. Queen of Pentacles/Coins (reversed). This card, in the reversed position, is reminscent to me of many of the characteristics of some mental disorders: moody, suspicious, critical, vindictive, proud, capricious, unbalanced, difficult to deal with. Oh, and get this, someone reads your palm. Why do I think it's cool the card "predicted" your reading. OK, you are ill (but you know it) and it is challenging. But what does that mean for the future?

Future. Pentacles/Coins IV. This is a card that generally deals with wealth, but we can work it to think about your relationship's health. It's a good card for anyone's future: law and order, success, promotion/advancement, time to be generous to others. And, if money worries were part of our issue, this card is definitely propitious.

At first glance, given the nice card at the end, I'd be tempted to say it looks like you'll make it together, ending stronger than you started. However, there is a possible streak of selfishness associated with the Pentacles/Coins IV, so it might be worth my while to ask for confirmation that we're talking about your relationship and not your marriage.

I pulled the Pentacles/Coins X (reversed), which again argues material wealth but a period of stagnation. I don't see how that helps me.

So, I pulled also Wands IV. I gotta say it seems to reinforce my original assessment. Harmony, peace, still with the material wealth, rest after strife, romance, stability and fulfillment after strife.

Sounds like he's a keeper - and you are too. Hope that helps.

Read more...

For Shakespeare: What's Up With Me?

>> Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Shakespeare asked: I have another question, for I have realized through your posts that it isn't my kids I am struggling with, but myself. Here it is, Tarot Queen: I am stressed beyond measure, yet what is going on in my life should NOT be stressing me out, should not be making me this testy. It simply isn't logical. Is something else going on? If so, what is it?

Well, let's see what the cards tell me.

First, the past. VII The Chariot - This card speaks of female passivity, but also achieving a goal through self-discipline, through tests and trials. I get the distinct impression this is indicative of your Ph.D. achievement.

Now, the past. King of Swords - This card is ambitious, clever, capable, but it also calls for judgment. In this case, and I know you, this is a part of you that is disappointed that you haven't achieved more. Not that you're not proud of the work you did caring for your children or even that you regret doing so, but you question your achievement even there and want to see some sort of concrete indication that your sacrifices (and they were) were worthwhile. Meanwhile, other ambitions, dreams intentions are left undone and all you can see is the "mountain" of what you haven't done dwarfing (in your eyes) what you've accomplished.

And the immediate future. Cups IV - disappointment, unexpected resentment, distraction, lethargy, stagnation. I don't think I need to explain it.

Here's what I'm seeing, darling. You've done the work and made the sacrifices to get your Ph.D. You've been working on your writing craft whenever you could, but much of that, both the Ph.D. and the writing have been sidetracked. You haven't done what you'd hoped to do while helping raise your children. You thought you could get published or do more work remotely. Instead, the needs of your children and your household and everything else have sidetracked your career.

And you want a career. You see others raising children while working or others doing some of the things you've always intended to do, you see yourself as lacking, as failing in what you thought you could do. More dangerously, you might start resenting your husband or your children if you don't start concentrating on your career.

And, yeah, that might mean someone else is working on the house (get a service) or someone else watches the kids in the afternoon. You can't keep putting your career on the back burner because what you aren't doing is eating away at you. You've seen it coming. Your patience has lasted a long time.

But, Shakespeare, it looks like it's over.

Read more...

For Shakespeare: Parenting Guidelines Part 3

>> Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Shakespeare asked: How do many parents go wrong in making their children responsible adults (even from a young age), and what specific things can I do as a parent to help my two kids learn to make that transition to adulthood (trust their own opinions, make their own decisions, think of others, admit when they are wrong, learn the value of money, etc.)?

So, Shakespeare came on board, concerned that her failings as a parent, which we all have, would lead to issues for her children that would haunt her children and herself, that she would be blamed for by both her children and herself.

So, here's lesson number 3.

In the end, your children will choose their own paths.

Oh, sure, you're part of it. You've set the example, for better or worse, and you've done your best to provide discipline. But just as your methods had to adapt to every child, what and how they learned from your example and your teaching will depend on who they are and who they want to be. You will not be able to stop them from becoming a creep if that's the path they choose. You will not be able to destroy their character if they insist on being a moral creature.

Even before they reach adulthood, there are things you will not be able to do. You will not be able to eradicate character traits inherent to their personalities. You can try to help them leaven them or work around them, but you can't expect to change them fundamentally from who they are.

You will not be able to protect them from disease or flaw, be able to give them gifts they don't have, be able to choose their gifts for them. You can train your daughter to be the Olympic ice skater you always wanted to be, but, unless the drive and love for it is in them, they will never be great - or happy. You can help children compensate for dyslexia or autism or scholastical-type challenges, but you can't make them smart or quick.

You cannot save them from all harm, all risk. And, although I'm an advocate for safety, you should be cautious about how hard you try. A little dirt, a couple of tumbles will do your kids good. No one can guarantee their child will never be in a car accident or won't get cancer, or won't get hurt. You can take steps to minimize the chances that you'd be responsible, to avoid foreseeable harms, but the risk will always remain.

And you will make mistakes. Bunches of them. Children don't come with manuals and no one, even with the best intentions in the world, goes through life without making poor judgment calls. And children often pay the price for those. It isn't fair, but it is life. You will do yourself a favor learning from those mistakes (and acknowledging them to your children is likely to be beneficial as well), but don't expect to go through life without them.

But, even if you DID everything perfectly, it would not guarantee that your child would grow up to be a good person. Even if you made tons of mistakes, mistreated your child (either from maliciousness, selfishness or ignorance), and set a bad example, there's always a possibility that your children will learn from your mistakes and be a better person than anyone ever expected. Odds are, doing your best will have the best results, but, in the end, we're all responsible for the people we choose to become.

That goes for you.

That goes for your children.

So, enjoy them, love them, do your best. Believe in them. No one can really expect more than that.

Read more...
Blog Makeover by LadyJava Creations