For Anonymous:What A Friend Is Not

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Anonymous asked: At the completion of your hiatus, can you tell us what a true friend is NOT?

Well, I can tell you what I wouldn't want to be as a friend, what kind of features I don't associate with friendship, but, since I'm not omniscient, I can only give you my opinion. But, I'm usually willing and able to provide an opinion.

To think of what a friend is NOT, in my opinion, one really starts with what a friend is and look for it's opposite. So, here is my take on what a friend is NOT.

Judgmental: A friend should someone who accepts you as you are, rather than as you ought to be. Whether you both are alike as two adjacent peas or polar opposites, a friend should be someone who isn't driven to make you into someone else who knows who you really are and likes who you really are. Otherwise, that person isn't much of a friend.

Dishonest: I'm not talking the occasional fib ("No, no, I was done with that slice of pizza. Really."), but who will tell you the truth when it matters or when asked. Always. Even if it hurts. Whether it's "I would not serve that lemon cake to your mother-in-law. Let's hit the store," "You have a real problem and I'm worried about you," to even, "I wanted to like your novel, and I really tried to. Unfortunately, I couldn't. It sucked." A good friend can give it to you straight without judging, without loving you less. If they have to pussyfoot around you, one of you isn't a good friend.

Impatient: Often a big part of friendship is being there for someone else. Sometimes, even your bestest friend can be wearying or need more than you can readily give. You're entitled to ask for room, or rest or space, but it should be done with compassion before you've reached the end of your rope so it can be done without angst. And, because you are honest with friends and emotionally entangled, that means that you might very well be dealing with angst yourself once in a while. Patience is how you survive it with a friendship intact.

Self-absorbed: A big part of being a friend is listening, sympathizing, understanding how the other person feels. You can't do that if you're focus is all around you. A friend is more than someone who's there for you; it's someone you are there for, too.

Untrustworthy: A good part of friendship is mutual respect. Friends respect each other's boundaries, secrets, personalities and intentions. They give the benefit of the doubt and their worthy of receiving it.

And, just from the way you worded your question, it reminded me of this last one.

Undemanding: One thing people routinely forget. Friends don't owe friends anything. If your friend does something for you, it should have been because they chose to. Ditto for you doing something for your friend. There should be no price tags, no owesies, no obligation. Friendship is a voluntary thing. Anyone who thinks their friend owes them something, well, I think they don't quite get friendship.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Read more...

Someone Loves Me

Woohoo, another award. Man, I'm hot.

Although, living in Houston, that's not unusual.

In this case, a charming blog called Got Quads? about a mother and her adventures with her darling little quadruplets passed the "Let's Be Friends" award on to me. Really, I'm desperately flattered.

[UPDATE: I'm also a ditz - squared. Quadmama's blog is Got Quads (and I'd forgotten the link) and she was right - Oldwestmom of Forever Family also gave me this award on March 18. Ack! I'm so sorry I didn't acknowledge it in the midst of my move! Sorry, oldwestmom and quadmama!]

These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to those bloggers who then may choose at least 5 more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

Of course, the hard part about awards like this is picking just five superlative blogs to pinpoint. Really, it's all but impossible. After more than six months in the blogosphere I've been inundated with clever, charming, funny and/or remarkable blogs. How to pick just five?

*Sigh*

So, I'm going to go this time by pointing out five blogs I've found rather recently that nearly always induce me to comment because I find them charming (albeit sometimes in off-nominal ways). Sometimes they make me think. Sometimes they make me laugh. Always, I'm enticed to read. These five are NOT the extent of the charming blogs I know, by any stretch, but they are a worthwhile read. And I'd be honored if they'd be friends with me.

Observations of a Nerd
Clarity 2009
Predator Press (I know it's been around a while, but I've just really gotten involved)
Occult View
Blanca DeBree Blog (so I find excessive sarcasm charming. Sue me.)

Now I'll notify all the lucky recipients so that they can laugh at me for my presumption. Have a good one. And believe me, if you're in my blog catalog favorites or my blog list, I'm a fan. Seriously.

Read more...

For Anonymous: Cyber Cold Shoulder

Anonymous asked: Social networking sites - If a couple is on 1 particular site, what do you think of 1 person in that couple not friending/following the other person in that couple?

Alright, I'm assuming we're talking about a romantic couple.

Well, you asked my opinion, so I'll tell you: I don't know, but I'd advise against assuming the worst unless you have other reasons to do so.

I've written several posts about finding and making time for yourself. It is easy to see this as a variation on this. When I was on Gather, I knew several coupkes who were friends and several who had alters that they at least intended to be secret from spouses or whatever. They're are several potential reasons for this.

One is that it's a circle of friends that might be just your SO's. Some people, especially folks that have limited numbers of "their own" friends, might feel possessive of their on-line community. ZMy husbands has bunches of friends in chat and other forums and, although he's invited me to join, I feel like he needs his own buds.

Secondly, and don't take this the wrong way, your SO may need a place to vent. Many a marriage or relationship has been saved by one or both having a place to bitch and unload. True, there's something to be said for telling your partner what's bothering you, but sometimes talking it over with a friend makes you feel like someone is on your side OR can help you put things in perspective if you're blowing them out of proportion.

Some people, of course, have a private life for nefarious reasons, but, truly, there are plenty of non-nefarious reasons about. If this is bothering you, though, I urge you to talk it over with him or her. Then you won't have to speculate and your partner can understand how you feel about this.

Read more...