For Anonymous: Cyber Cold Shoulder

>> Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Anonymous asked: Social networking sites - If a couple is on 1 particular site, what do you think of 1 person in that couple not friending/following the other person in that couple?

Alright, I'm assuming we're talking about a romantic couple.

Well, you asked my opinion, so I'll tell you: I don't know, but I'd advise against assuming the worst unless you have other reasons to do so.

I've written several posts about finding and making time for yourself. It is easy to see this as a variation on this. When I was on Gather, I knew several coupkes who were friends and several who had alters that they at least intended to be secret from spouses or whatever. They're are several potential reasons for this.

One is that it's a circle of friends that might be just your SO's. Some people, especially folks that have limited numbers of "their own" friends, might feel possessive of their on-line community. ZMy husbands has bunches of friends in chat and other forums and, although he's invited me to join, I feel like he needs his own buds.

Secondly, and don't take this the wrong way, your SO may need a place to vent. Many a marriage or relationship has been saved by one or both having a place to bitch and unload. True, there's something to be said for telling your partner what's bothering you, but sometimes talking it over with a friend makes you feel like someone is on your side OR can help you put things in perspective if you're blowing them out of proportion.

Some people, of course, have a private life for nefarious reasons, but, truly, there are plenty of non-nefarious reasons about. If this is bothering you, though, I urge you to talk it over with him or her. Then you won't have to speculate and your partner can understand how you feel about this.


  • *lynne*

    Just to share: My hubby and I are friends on FB but we don't declare that we're married to each other there - it's all part of my attempt at keeping some parts of my life private, or at least not immediately obvious. I use my internet moniker, he uses his real name. Filling in the "married to" section would defeat the purpose of the moniker.

  • Davida

    "I'd advise against assuming the worst unless you have other reasons to do so."

    I agree with this statement. My husband and I share a myspace page, but we have separate/linked facebook pages. He's on every other social networking site I can think of and I just don't have the interest in those. I trust that whatever he's doing is honorable and he does the same. He's given me no reason to be suspicious of his activities. He even tells me when ex-girlfriends write or ask for a link. I'd just make sure to have open communication so concerns are addressed and resolved immediately when they arise.


  • Jen

    My ex husband and I realized we were both on facebook over dinner the other night. At first we thought it would be cool to "friend" each other. Neither of us did as that way we would see what the other was up to. Not to mention I feed my blogs into FB and he is a major character in my blogs. I have not shared my blogs with him as I don't think he would find his stories as funny as my readers do. Not the same thing but close....

  • JD at I Do Things

    May I make a request? (It's like a question, only bossier.)

    Would you consider posting a clip of you singing? I know there are sites that provide the background music, you record your voice, and then you can embed the player onto your blog.

    Having heard how beautifully your daughter sings, I'm bettin' her mama has a decent set of chops. It doesn't HAVE to be "Flashdance - What a Feeling," but that would be way cool.

  • Stephanie B

    I can and will, JD. I'll even try to make the recording this weekend. But it won't be tonight.

    Is it OK if I end up singing it a capella? I have good pitch and I don't know if I can find the background. I will check, though, to see if I have the karaoke CD.

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