For Aron: Forgoing Children Part Two

Aron said and asked: For full disclosure, I support the childfree movement. Also, i'm only speaking from my experiences in my high school, this might not be a national trend. What do you think?

I think that's a far more complex question than it looks like, for one thing. Bear in mind, also, this is all my opinion and not a condemnation or advocation of any personal choice. There's kind of two aspects of it:

• What's going on in the world
• What one wants to do individually

In part one, I opined that, though I thought the childfree movement, i.e. educated individuals forgoing children, would have a negligible effect on world population, I thought the education that accompanied that movement, tied with efforts to increase/retain natural resources and enhance conservation would be a good thing.

But now I'm addressing the second part which I define as "What do you think about me forgoing children personally?" Short answer: I think everyone is entitled to forgo children guilt-free. And, although I have three children of my own and I wouldn't change being a parent for anything, I'd encourage anyone anxious to have children to think about it long and hard.

Why? For the good of the world?

No. Because you shouldn't gamble with children.

Children are work. They are frustrating, heart-breaking, tiring, financially and mentally draining. Having children cramps your style, trashes your schedule, completely rearranges your priorities.

So, why does anyone have them? Because being a parent, a good parent, is the most rewarding, fulfilling, wonderful job in the world. Everything I said before is true, too. It's as frustrating and challenging as I said. It's just worth it. If you don't have children, that likely doesn't make any sense. If you do have children, I didn't need to explain it.

But being a parent isn't for everyone and, unlike many jobs, if you screw it up, you aren't the only one paying for it. There are dozens of good reasons not to have children: you have a genetic disorder you don't want to pass, you have an all-encompassing career, you genuinely don't like children, you don't want to add to the population on principle. All are fine reasons and there are many more. No one, absolutely no one, should have children if it's not what they want to do, if they aren't completely committed to the idea. Being a parent is not something one should do part time or halfway. You shouldn't have children to carry on your name, to get a tax deduction (believe me they're more expensive than a tax deduction could ever justify), to get more from welfare, to make your mom happy, to make your spouse happy, to convince a boyfriend to marry you, to save your marriage (ha!) because you think children will love and admire you (haha!) or because you think having babies would be fun (it IS fun, but it's also a buttload of hard work).

Being a parent is a lifelong commitment to another person, to love them unconditionally and forever and, if you're not willing to do it 100%, you shouldn't. But, if you do want children, you have educated yourself on the responsibility and you have the heart to give it your all, then I don't see any reason not to have children. I would, for the sake of some lonely, orphaned, misused or neglected children, consider adoption before I considered fertility treatments, but that is a matter of principle.

One more thing. I would say not to decide absolutely today. When you're young, the world can look awfully black and white. Go out there, live a little, find out what makes you happy and what gives you fulfillment. Your thoughts on what you want might change drastically with age and seasoning. And, if it makes you feel better, I would give the same advice to someone your age who wanted a family right away.

Take care. And remember, it's just my opinion.

By the way, what do you think of my new template? Pretty slick, isn't it? Thanks, LadyJava!

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