For Aileen:What About My Marriage

>> Friday, October 2, 2009

Aileen said: I'm in a marriage that isn't happy. Am torn between being selfish and unselfish. To be selfish would mean my happiness. What does the cards have to say about the outlook of my marriage?

I'm going to draw cards for you, but I wanted to warn you I wasn't objective when answering this. My first marriage was born out of, largely, pity/guilt with the argument that I didn't have the right to make him unhappy since he "loved me so much." Twelve years, I lived with him, feeling guilty if I felt like leaving no matter how unhappy I was. Not only was that a miserable time of my life, I did him NO GOOD. There are few things less destructive than needing someone who doesn't need you. His life became an exercise in making me feel bad in the hopes it would make him feel better. Unwittingly, by doing what he wanted, I helped him because much less of a man than he could otherwise have been. Both of us were much more damaged than if I had never tried so long or so hard. Just had to say it.
Past - King of Cups (reversed) - someone has an identity problem. Someone is self-absorbed, self-serving, self-indulgent. The balance is skewed for the service of one over all else.

Present - VIII Justice (reversed) - imbalance, injustice, unfairness. This card is slanted to a situation where one side is severely at a disadvantage, where the balance is skewed. It is a time of decision.

Future - Queen of Cups - Queen of Cups is a very female card, more so than many of the other female related ones. It's a compassionate card, a sympathetic card, a loving card, in many ways a card of devotion. It could be a card that says you stay in your marriage, devoted to your husband. It could be a card that speaks of finding a devotion to yourself and to him that does what's right for you both, even if it's not staying in your marriage.

I'll pull a couple of cards for clarification.

Pentacles (Coins) VI - There are a lot of meanings for this card, some fairly vague but one leapt out at me: justice. It's a time of decision and power, of nobility, of doing the right thing.

Queen of Pentacles (Coins) - Again, a feminine card, but this one is more about women's empowerment, finding your own way, coming into your own power.

I can't give you a definitive answer on the future of your marriage, but, if it continues, I'm hoping that this means you have found your own balance in it and are there because it's where you want to be.

Good luck!


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