For Aron: Eschewing Love

>> Sunday, July 12, 2009

Aron said:

While developing my moral system, I used these passages to support why I won't date, marry or have pre-marital sex:

Matthew 19:10-12
...his disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But he said to them, "Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can."

1 Cor 7:6-9
...This I say by way of concession, not of command. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has a particular gift from God, one having one kind and another a different kind. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.

1 Cor 7:24-35
...In whatever condition you were called, brothers and sisters, there remain with God. Now concerning virgins, I have no command of the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. I think that, in view of the impending crisis, it is well for you to remain as you are. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife... Yet those who marry will experience distress in this life, and I would spare you that. I mean, brothers and sisters, the appointed time has grown short; from now on, let even those who have wives be as though they had none, but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the Lord.

1 Cor 7:38-40
...So then, he who marries his fiancée does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if the husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my judgment she is more blessed if she remains as she is.

Is my conclusion logical? Is is better not to date and only focus on my mission in life which I feel is my calling?
No one, Aron, can make that decision for you. I, personally, would be leery about making such an important decision based on a few hand-picked passages of any book, but it's not about me. I don't think the passage matter as much so much as your reaction to them. And it's not about me. I can't tell you that your reaction is wrong for you.

Those passages may speak to you because that's what's best for you or because you feel it might be best for you. I honestly don't know.

I know you're awfully young and, when you're young, it's easy to see the world as black and white, all or nothing. I know from experience that what you often expect for yourself and what you actually get are often far different. I've also discovered that love can be hard to gainsay and it comes in the most inopportune times.

But, those are my experiences. Perhaps that's just not the path for you. I don't know, Aron. You have a great deal of life to go.

If I were to give you advice - and you've asked me too - I'd say to follow where your heart leads. If it leads only to work, that is undoubtedly the right path. If it leads elsewhere, I suggest following.

One more piece of advice. There's no harm in making a plan, for your immediate and long term future, but don't hate yourself if the path diverges and don't close any doors unnecessarily. You never know when an unexpected detour leads to fulfillment.


  • Aron Sora

    I really want to look at how I made this decision. I fear I'm using the bible as an excuse to not have a life. I find that, without outside influence, I will tend to do more work. I am a workaholic, but I need to make such a decision about by moral system without that influence.

    No wonder people take pre-fabricated moral systems, this is tough. Thank you for being so open minded.

  • Lola

    You may be right. While I didn't use the bible as my excuse not to have much of a life in my 20's, I didn't go out of my way to put myself in situations where I would experience life.

    When it's right for you to start dating, you'll know. And when it's right for other'll know too. It's all about maturing and growing.

    Just because you're a workaholic, doesn't mean that you can't put yourself in some social situations. I was incredibly shy. When I finally figured out I was gay, I made myself find out what social events were in my area and I forced myself to go with the idea that I'm never going to meet anyone if I don't "socialize".

    Look for some social events that are related to your work. Begin meeting people socially. You may find that you just expand your circle of friends. Or you may find a few special people who are interested in dating you. If you don't at least get out there, you'll never know. And don't forget, you could find someone with your same moral values.

  • The Mother

    As Stephanie points out, you are young, and attitudes change as you get older.

    Using an iron age book to set your moral structure does seem a bit of a poor choice.

    Remember, as you get older, sex is simply one way that adults relate to each other. It tends to be expected in relationships after a certain age. You may need to refine your views in light of that.

  • ettarose

    Stephanie did a great job answering you. I agree do what is in your heart. Do not take books to mean literally what you read. Everyone reads something different in passages. Take life by the horns and shake it up!

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