For Carfor12: Always Nappin'

>> Sunday, April 5, 2009

// asks: OK I have a question. What do you do with a husband whose main goal when he is at home is to sleep?

At first I was thinking of something snarky, but it occurred to me this could be a real problem. I wouldn’t want to make light of it. Unfortunately, without knowing the specifics in your case, I have to give you several answers.

If it just seems like he wants to sleep all the time, perhaps he’s one of those people who need more sleep than others of us. My husband is a very light sleeper. He generally gets at least three hours more than I do a night and will take more if he can get it. I sleep very solidly so I can often do well with 6 or less. If this is the case, you’re not doing him a favor making him forgo sleep his body needs. Try to find a way to accommodate his needs if they aren’t too excessive. If they are, perhaps he has a physical or mental health issue. See below. You might having him take some B Complex vitamins which might help boost his energy levels.

Or, perhaps he’s just bored. Sometimes, mental apathy and disuse can make one sleepy. Keep it going, you end up in a rut where you’re not only doing nothing, but also unwilling to break out. If he doesn’t have projects or activities that interest and excite him, the sleepiness may just be a manifestation of his boredom. Encouraging him to find ways to fill his day enjoyably might help with this.

Perhaps he’s just exhausted. If he’s working long hours, hard physical labor or has a very challenging/stressful, he may need more recharging than a normal night’s sleep will give him. If he does this too long, it might have adverse effects on him. I know it’s a tough job market right now, but it might be worth his while to find out if he could restructure or rework his job to be less taxing.

Perhaps your husband is depressed. Excessive sleeping is quite common with depression and it may be something worth consulting a professional. Those same B-vitamins can help if it’s just a temporary lull, but, if he’s sleeping excessively and seems unhappy, I would consider seeking professional help.

If it’s just that he doesn’t want to go anywhere, do anything, see anybody when he gets home (and you’re ready to bust if you don’t get outside the house and do something), well, you have a normal marriage. :)

Bear in mind, though, I’m an advocate for telling your spouse what you think and when you’re upset. In my (admittedly limited experience), men are not the best at guessing games. Don’t be cryptic or subtle. Tell him if you have a problem.

2 Responses to “Always Nappin’”

  1. shakespeareon 17 Mar 2009 at 10:29 am edit this

    The picture is priceless! I couldn’t stop laughing, even when you got to the possibility of depression (Okay, no, I stopped at that point. I really did).

    Perhaps he has sleep apnea, and loud snoring and gasping is a sign of that. If he has sleep apnea, he may sleep for long periods of time, but he cannot sleep deeply enough for it to make a big difference. He could still spend the day feeling tired.

    If his sleeping is excessive, though, something is causing it. And it would be best to figure out what it is soon.

    Great blog so far!


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