For Patricia: How Do I Get Grandchildren?

Patricia asked: Is there anything a mother can do to get her two adult children (one male age 38 and one female age 25) to even consider getting married and producing grandchildren (preferably in that order) without appearing pushy?

Ah, Patricia, I'm sorry. The short answer is, no.

I'm hoping to be a decade at least from grandchildren myself (my eldest is 14), but I can understand the urge. My baby is already growing up and I'm going to miss her babyness. I can understand wanting to get some more baby time (and not having full responsibility is a plus, too).

But, having a child is a big deal, not a decision to make lightly. They are cute and cuddly, but delicate and challenging. Being a parent (as I'm sure you know) is the most rewarding, frightening, frustrating, miserable, joyful, challenging, painful role in the world. And not a role to take on before one is ready or for any reason other than one's own wants and needs. Your kids would be the ones living with the consequences and responsibility - they would need to be ready for them.

This is just as true for finding a spouse. Pressure just increases the chances of "settling" on the wrong one, and that's not good for anyone. Not your children, not the prospective spouses, not the eventual grandchildren.

I'll bet they know you want grandchildren. Any additional "hinting" is superfluous. Now, I know you're not pushing them, just wistful, so don't think I'm criticizing. And you already know why waiting is necessary, even if it isn't fun.

But, I truly believe that, if that if it's meant to be, it will be. And when you have the grandchildren you'll have when your kids are ready and (hopefully) happily involved with people that make them complete, you'll be as glad they waited as they will be. I hope it works out for you and you get the grandchildren you want, but only at the right time for your children.

In the meantime, you can always get a part time job in a daycare.

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